Have you ever felt judged when you expressed your opinion at a meeting? Did you feel that behind the glares, you were falsely accused as someone resistant to change? Or how about this? —You silently left a meeting where somebody made a decision, and while you walked back to your office, you were thinking and mumbling to yourself, “been there, done that, it’s not gonna work”? If any of this sounds familiar to you—keep reading!
Someone at the meeting, a co-worker, a hired consultant, or maybe your boss, presents an idea for change or a new system. With clenched teeth and pounding heart, you listen to the presentation of a plan that you have experienced in the past, maybe at your previous workplace, that ended in disaster!
With terror in your eyes and sweat beads on your brow, you get totally tripped up and thrown off your game! As the nightmare comes flooding back into your mind, you panic! Everyone else seems to be applauding this great idea! Before the concept is entirely out of the gate, you decide to speak up and interject why this won’t work! They need to know!
But wait, last time you spoke up, it wasn’t received well. They didn’t seem to appreciate your wisdom, and to your surprise, you were labeled as negative, inflexible, or set in your ways! So now, do you remain silent? Oh yes, you are aware that your silence isn’t helpful at all, but what do you do? What do you say? You’re trapped! Damned if you do and damned if you don’t! Ok, have I gone too far? Ha-ha This reaction may seem quite extreme, but I’m not that far off from my experience and observation.
So—what’s going on here? No, you are not a bad person looking to sabotage the business! And no, I do not believe that you are resistant to change or set in your ways! This really couldn’t be further from the truth of who you are. I do think that you intend to do the exact opposite because you genuinely care.
Your memory of this previously failed idea is full of negative emotion for you, aka baggage! This emotion, when unleashed in an uncontrolled manner, renders you ineffective. Remember, the person presenting this idea can’t relate to your reaction. You are not helpful in this state of panic and fear! Let’s look at a different approach. One that will serve you and the whole team better.
What if you knew that you could walk into any meeting feeling calm and confident? Prepared and capable of handling whatever comes your way? Trusting that you can draw upon your experience, intelligence, and communication to contribute in a meaningful way? First and foremost—You have valuable wisdom and knowledge that you have gained through your experience, and the entire team is fortunate to have you here. You are not at this meeting to fill a seat, shrink into the background, and enjoy the catered lunch! Although I too enjoy a good lunch, ha-ha. You have a purpose for being here! You did not come this far, just to come this far!
Let me share a different approach with you that will allow you to relax, breathe, and contribute effectively from your place of knowing. When you are calm, as with all situations, you are able to bring your best self forward. Words seem to effortlessly find their way to you as you navigate through, expressing yourself in a positive manner that gets you heard. No longer will you remain silent, giving way to frustration and resentment, nor will you lash out from panic and fear.
Before entering any meeting, take a few minutes to yourself, even if it means slipping into the bathroom to escape. I have done this several times—no one bothered me there, ha-ha. Two or three minutes to step away from whatever you were working on or dealing with before the meeting. Just breathe and tell yourself that you are ready for whatever comes up at the meeting. You are in control of yourself, not anyone else. If you don’t already do this, you must! Something so simple yet works wonders!
When you get blindsided with an idea for change, or a new system that you are all too familiar with, sit, breathe, and listen. You have no obligation or duty to immediately jump in, share your experience, and save the day! As the Presenter is speaking, give them your undivided attention. The very act of observing them and listening keeps your mind from hopping on that runaway train. It gives you time to process what you are hearing.
The appropriate time for asking questions and offering suggestions is when the Speaker has finished making their presentation. I am going to suggest that you make a brief statement as a precursor to your input. Something as simple as saying that you have experience with this idea or system and have a few questions and suggestions to offer. If someone asks you to expand on your experience, I urge you to keep it brief. I caution you not to share too much about all that went wrong and why. As you attempt to explain, your risk of getting tangled up in all the emotion and drama is too high! Let your experience serve you in the light of wisdom, and you will gain the credibility and respect you deserve.
Now is the time to use your intelligence to ask questions that encourage conversation and address foreseeable problems. You know where the problem areas are because you lived it. If the idea didn’t work last time because it wasn’t assigned to anyone specifically, then an intelligent question would be, “Who could we ask to head up this new project, or is there a volunteer?”
Now is the time to make suggestions that contribute to solutions and influence a favourable outcome. If the new system didn’t work last time because no one had time to add one more analysis report to their day, then a suggestion would be, “In the interest of preventing employee overload, let’s look at what reports we can blend to prevent unnecessary overlap.”
Be prepared; I suspect you will start to hear many descriptive words about yourself—professional, intelligent, wise, open, supportive! Others will look at you in amazement of your insight! They will wonder where you are hiding your crystal ball? Ha-ha
Bye for now, and enjoy the catered lunch!
