Remember that feeling you had when you first landed your “Manager” job?  That feeling of pride, excitement and enthusiasm?  When I was offered my first Management position I felt like I was walking on air, so full of life!  My strengths and attributes were recognized and I felt wonderful.  I was full of ideas to freshen up, or redesign an environment that had become somewhat stagnant.  I envisioned leading the team toward the creation of a culture within the workplace of more fun and lightheartedness, while providing a client service second to none.  A place where if there was ever a job opening, people would line up down the street just for the opportunity to work with us.  Does any of this resonate with you?

For some, if not many, the “dream” of being Manager can lose its lustre pretty quickly in the face of reality.  We may have the very best of training and education to be equipped for the job.  We may have the very best of plans and intentions, but there is more—and for me, I was just simply not prepared for what was to come. 

I went through a period of disappointment, frustration and occasional thoughts of just running out of the front door.  No one said it was going to be easy, but I was challenged in ways that I never expected.  Ways that left me exhausted and drained of energy.  If I was to have any hope of not only survival, but of happiness, enjoyment and sanity, I would need to draw upon my own strength and personal power.

I knew that whenever I listened to myself and did what “felt” like the right thing to do, I was more self assured and more at ease.  Of course, the analytical part of me needed to look at the facts surrounding any given situation, but that alone was not enough.  My inner guidance, my intuition, was a constant that I could rely upon.     

I also needed to create order and get back to a healthy balance in my life.  I knew to take responsibility for my own self care.  Burn out or break down were not going to be part of my future.

So—with my decision to follow my intuition and consistently do what “felt” right to me, along with implementing healthy self care, my plan was launched!  Could it really be just that simple? 

One of the first things that I chose to do was to set in place my non-negotiables.  So, what do I mean by non-negotiables?  These are things that you are firm about, where you take a stance and are not flexible.  Your non-negotiables are not open for discussion.  They are the ways in which you declare how you take care of yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Doing this exercise was an essential step in the process of clarifying more deeply who I am and what is most important to me.  When I consistently referred back to my non-negotiables, not only did I feel good, others soon knew what to expect from me.

I am going to share with you a couple of the non-negotiables that I set in motion early on in my career as Manager.  Hopefully, this will get you thinking about yours.

1. Take a lunch break—Not negotiable!!  It is not an option to work through lunch and I don’t eat while I am working.  Taking a break and eating a healthy lunch will nourish my body and my brain.  I took full responsibility in making this happen on a daily basis.  No further explanation is needed!
2. No engaging in conversation, via text, email or phone, with a co-worker about the events of the work day during my personal time away from work—Not negotiable!!  (Except in the case of an emergency.) When someone would initiate contact, I would simply and politely let them know that we will make time to discuss the situation at work, then remind them to enjoy their evening.  It didn’t take long for others to see how important family and balance is to me.    

This level of self respect holds more power than you may have ever imagined.  Other people get to know you and respect the ways in which you respect yourself.  You have far more control over the flow of your day and your happiness than you realize.

When I do something contrary to a non-negotiable, I feel it!  There’s that “gut feeling” again!  I may feel stress, anger, resentment, or disappointment when I am off course and out of alignment with myself.  That’s when I know that I need to make a shift and get back on track.  It gets easier and easier with practice.

Now It’s Your Turn!!  Surprise! Surprise! 

Here is my suggested exercise for you……

1. Find a quiet place.  It could be in your car at lunchtime, or a private space at home, someplace without interruption.  If you think best when you are taking a walk, record yourself as you walk.  I have used the walk and talk technique often.
2. Start making your list.  As you think of things, more things will come into your mind.  Don’t second guess yourself.  No need to explain or justify anything, no stress.  You already know all that you need, it is now time to remember.  If you feel uncertain as to how to start, it may be helpful to mentally picture yourself going through your day.  What are your non-negotiables? 
3. I suggest implementing things slowly, one at a time.  I want to see you set yourself up for success.  Sometimes it’s a small, subtle change that makes a big difference.  Follow what “feels” right for you!  

Enjoy this process!  Be honest and kind with yourself.  Your non-negotiables are private and personal, not subject to the opinion or approval of anyone else.  Don’t give in to thoughts of guilt or selfishness! 

I know Managers, and I understand that dedicated, hard working part of you.  Trusting in yourself, and admitting how you feel and what you want and need does not diminish your amazing qualities, it will enhance them.  There may be surprises in store for you!